I made a simple wish list for Christmas. Some new fuzzy Uggs since I wore down the last pair to fuzzless. A lavender candle or two for my bubble baths. And a pretty journal for writing.
If you knew my hubby (and holder of my left kidney for 16 years now), you would not be surprised that not only did he present me with new fuzzy Uggs, bubble bath swag, lounging PJs because he had grown weary of seeing me in the red plaid Target PJ set I bought at least three years ago, but also a trough of journals. And not just simple journals. No, the trough from my forever and wonderfully extra Robert was filled with soft brown leather-jacketed journals with a fancy wrap-around tie, each embossed with: Dr. Vanessa Grubbs, The People’s Nephrologist.
I took this as a sign that I probably should actually do the shit I’d been talking about for months: a You-Tube channel with videos of me giving real and relatable kidney talk, primarily based upon interactions I’ve had and emails I’ve received over the years.
A little more context: I’ve been The Nephrologist since 2014 when I first launched my blog and Twitter account, because somebody else already owned The Kidney Doctor name. But The “People’s” Nephrologist is based upon something much more meaningful.
I tell the details in my first video, but long-ish story shorter: I spent just a few minutes (15 tops) giving a friend’s mom (who had been on dialysis for a few years) basic info that resulted in her CHANGING HER MIND about accepting her other daughter’s kidney! The friend publicly thanked me and started calling me “The People’s Nephrologist” because I was able—and willing—to reach her mother in a way none of her other doctors had.
I took my friend’s designation as high praise. And I’m going to lean into that title. Own it. Because it is how I see myself. Some nephrologists pride themselves on being able to calculate dialysis adequacy from knowing the filter size, how many minutes the patient was on dialysis, etc, which —don’t get me wrong is nice, maybe even impressive to some, but a lab will spit out the same result. Just saying. I’d rather spend my time explaining things to people in a way they can understand and believe. Because if I don’t, they will fill in for themselves the details that feed into their worst fears. Details that usually have very little in common with reality. Just like my friend’s mom.
So in this YouTube format, I’m going to do my best to let loose and do “me.” Me like I’m talking to friends. Me who cusses a little, sometimes a lot if you get me riled up.
No more trying to fit anybody else’s vision of what a professional doctor looks or sounds like. Fuck that. Folks can find that elsewhere. I’m too old and this shit is too important for me to waste time on that or apologize for not doing so.
This also gives me a way to stay connected to what I’ve been missing since returning to primary care: The palliative care side of nephrology.
There are a lot of details to figure out about things like lighting and video-editing, but it’s time I just start. Lean into this until I step off this safe perch of fear-based procrastination with the knowledge that I don’t have to soar immediately. Trust that I’ll figure out the details along the way. And know that all of it counts as flying.
CHECK OUT MY INTRO VIDEO HERE! (Then like and subscribe 😬)